Author Archives: Friar Johnsen

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FRAGMENT, Fragment (2011, demo)

The skull:
From the shadow, I guess we’re to imagine this cracked skull fell onto a large canvas featuring a two-color painting of birds and hash marks. That doesn’t make any sense, but the alternative, that a skull enshrouded in some black miasma got stuck on an old TV radial antenna while some birds, eager to slurp up the remains of his exposed grey matter, circle in the background, is even more confounding, so I guess I’m going to run with the painting interpretation. Or maybe run from it. Yeah, that’s a better preposition there.

The music:
Fragment sound like a traditional Scandinavian death metal band who, in 1995 suddenly realized that “melodic” is the hot new prefix to “death metal” and started adding twin axe harmonies and a bit of dynamics to their sound. The basic sound is still more or less old school, but the trim is decidedly newer. Of course, Fragment are a new band, and not some act from the mid 90s, which makes the exact alchemy of their sound a bit harder to explain, but in any case, it works pretty well, and serves as a tonic for the various trendy death metal strains of today, most of which are rather annoying. The sound is also refreshingly naturalistic (at least as much as death metal can sound) and there are no obvious markers of studio shortcuts to be heard. All in all, this is a solid demo of well-written, moderately technical (in the way Death was technical) death metal, and I while I think the band might find their particular sound to be a tough sell, if they stick it out I bet they release a killer debut album.
— Friar Johnsen

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STAHLMANN, Adamant (2013, AFM)

The skull:
The concept of a crazy clockwork skull is not a bad one, but the execution of the concept here is simply beyond the pale. It doesn’t look like metal so much as cheap, silvered plastic, and there’s a jarring disconnect between the overly detailed gears and the astoundingly undetailed… other parts. It looks like a prototype of an accessory to go with an unlicensed action figure tie-in toy for a movie that wasn’t even released in your country. I do like the monocle, though.

The music:
Apparently this sort of corny electronic pop metal, which originated with Rammstein, is called Neue Deutsche Härte, which translates roughly to “New Wave Of German Young Adult Vampire Movie End Credit Metal.” At least, it’s close to that. Stahlmann itself means “Steel Man,” which maybe doesn’t sound as impossibly stupid to German speakers, and “Adamant” means, as you’d expect, “Adam Ant,” whose New Romantic stylings were clearly very influential on this group of facepainters. Anyway, the music sounds like a way less edgy Rammstein, full of disco beats, braindead non-riffs, and overenunciated German lyrics about steely men of iron, probably. This is atrocious stuff that is so slimily, transparently engineered to part pimply, kohled teenagers from their allowance money that it makes me embarrassed for the band to hear it, and the sooner this sort of thing becomes a universal punchline to jokes about the 00s, the better.
— Friar Johnsen

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MITRA, Mitra (2005, demo)

The skull:
As you can see, this skull was originally very small, as it was drawn in a 5×5 block of squares on a piece of graph paper. This took the guitarist pretty much all of fifth period, and he still has no idea how to factor a polynomial, but it was totally worth it.

The music:
Actually, no, this demo isn’t the work of high school kids, but Texas metal veterans including members of Rigor Mortis and REO Speedealer (one of the greatest joke band names ever.) I couldn’t find this demo, but I did find a live recording of the lead track, which I guess you could call Southern groove thrash or something? I guess it’s supposed to be at least a little silly, which makes sense considering the pedigree of Mitra’s members. They seem pretty tight, but this is not especially interesting much, and if they’re actually meant to be a comedy band, then they’re not nearly obviously funny enough. And anyway, there’s really only one legit player in Southern groove thrash (Texas region, special comedy division), and that’s Agony Column, whose big dumb skulls are unfortunately all steers.
— Friar Johnsen

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SKULL BASTARDS, Promo 2012 (2012, demo)

The skull:
Although skulls with gasmasks are actually an incredibly common visual trope in heavy metal, this is only the second in the Skullection, after Def Con One, which itself didn’t show up until #538. I guess most gaskmask skulls just end up on covers with other skulls, or skeletons, or some other disqualifying element (like a Black Label Society logo). Both of the gasmaskers we’ve seen so far are simple black and white drawings, which begs the question: what band has the balls to strap a real gas mask on a real skull and photograph it (preferably in front of a live fire) for their album cover? Consider the gauntlet thrown.

The music:
Skull Bastards play fast and tight thrash that sounds like early Annihilator at their most stupid. I don’t entirely mean that as a slam, because Skull Bastards are pretty good and play with a genuine ferocity, but they’re totally lacking in nuance and their songs could use a bit more in the way of dynamics. I do appreciate the heavy NWOBHM influence (especially evident in “Evil Night,” the better of the two songs on this demo) that makes Skull Bastards sound more like a lost first-wave thrash band than a bunch of kids aping what thrash would become after even four or five years of development. The croaky vocals are a little better than you get in most rethrash bands, and the lead guitar is ripped straight from Dave Mustaine’s 1986 playbook, which is fine by me. While not original in the least, and although they could really use some more variety in their tunes, Skull Bastards are pretty damned solid, and it’s probably worth checking out their EP from 2013.
— Friar Johnsen

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BLOOD TSUNAMI, For Faen! (2013, Indie Recordings)

The skull:
He’s got a mouthful of logo, a fanny pack full of weapons, enough bullets to make, like, two bullet-belts, and a title that invokes Satan in Norwegian. This skull is ready for action! He’ll need some help getting to the action, of course, lacking as he does legs or other means of conveyance, but if you’re willing to carry him, he’ll totally fuck some shit up wherever, whenever! Hey, where are you going? Aren’t you going to take this skull with you? I’m sure he’d really appreciate it. No? Well, fuck you then, the Blood Tsunami skull doesn’t need your fucking charity. Dick.

The music:
Sounding a bit like reunited Destruction but looser, Blood Tsunami bring a lot of speed metal riffs to their thrash metal party, and while there isn’t much of a crossover influence here, the overall vibe leans more toward a DIY/punk aesthetic than the Bay Area nostalgia of your average rethrash band. Maybe they’re just channeling the death/thrash of bands like Destroyer 666 and Desaster. They have some legit black metal pedigree in drummer Faust (ex-Emperor) but the actual black metal content in Blood Tsunami is minimal (though not non-existent). This isn’t bad stuff, and it’s packed with great riffs, but this kind of shambling, fuck-you-all-the-time thrash has never been my cuppa. There’s just something about the attitude that I find offputting, but that’s just a personal thing, and if you like your thrash fast, loud, and rude, then this is probably right up your alley. As an added bonus, the production is refreshingly analog-sounding, without triggered drums or buzzy, overworked guitars. This is bullet-belt metal for sure, and meant for a very specific scene, but if that’s your scene, then you definitely need a piece of this.
— Friar Johnsen

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THE NEW BLACK, III: Cut Loose (2013, AFM)

The skull:
Sure, this was pulled straight out of the big design folder at a local tattoo shop, the page stained with drool and tobacco smoke, but if nothing else, this is the first BDS to prominently feature hummingbirds, so, congratulations are in order, I guess, to The New Black, who also hereby make their second appearance in the Skullection. Truth be told, their first album is also fronted by a big dumb skull, but I think we’re about sick of this stupid band, so the morbidly curious will have to Google that shit for themselves if they want to fully trace the origins and development of The New Black Big Dumb Skull.

The music:
The New Black are the sort of totally boring band who could be national stars if they were from Finland. They’re unfortunately from Germany, so it’s unlikely they’re huge in their home country, but I guess you never know. They have the glossy, shitty sound of a band trying to rope in a mainstream audience with something nominally “metal” but still totally safe, as if mixing Volbeat and Papa Roach were a viable creative strategy, or if the problem with Black Sabbath is that they sound insufficiently like The Foo Fighters. TNB (as I’m sure they’d like me to call them) are total pros, of course, but they’re also completely soulless. I’d rather listen to nazi black metal from France (not really, but please allow me the hyperbole) because at least those idiots believe in something and are making music for reasons that are not transparently commercial. You can imagine a songwriter in The New Black thinking, “Man, this riff would totally KILL in a video game or an energy drink commercial! The opportunities for cross-market synergy are just off the charts here!” If your main source for new music recommendations is VH1, then maybe The New Black could totally be your jam, but if you’re a metalhead with (some) dignity and self-respect, you won’t listen to this pap.
— Friar Johnsen

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NUCLEAR ABOMINATION, Nuclear’N’Fucking Roll (2010, demo)

The skull:
This skull is obviously related to this guy, what with the radiation symbol monocle, so maybe this is black metal? But not so fast: a black metal band would never use that kind of typewriter font for the title. That’s obviously the work of a crust or grindcore band. Except, hold on, that logo could only be for a thrash band (pentagram be damned!), and in the roshambo of logo/image/typeface, logo always wins. This is thrash. And so concludes today’s lesson in heavy metal visual taxonomy. This will be on the test.

The music:
If, looking at this cover, you suspected that Nuclear Abomination would sound like demo-era Toxic Holocaust, then I will applaud your stereotyping instincts, because that’s exactly what Nuclear Abomination sounds like. They’re maybe a little more thrash and a little less hardcore, but definitely in the same vein. Like Toxic Holocaust, Nuclear Abomination are a band with mediocre riffs, bad vocals, and a pervasive corniness, but Nuclear Abomination clearly take themselves (or himself, I should properly say) even as seriously as their (his) American counterpart(s). I mean, you wouldn’t name your demo Nuclear’N’Fucking Roll if you were serious, right? And you definitely wouldn’t name it that if you last demo was called Nuclear’N’Roll. But then again, what isn’t improved by more Fucking? Anyway, back to the Toxic Holocaust comparisons: Nuclear Abomination released this demo as a limited cassette, so it’s probably already too late for you to be a completist when it comes to this band, but then again, the hunt for all this rare crappy rethrash is definitely way more fun than actually listening to it, and if that’s the thing that really tweaks your nips, you’d better start penpalling with the most underground Frenchmen you can find, because you’re gonna have to dig deep for this one.
— Friar Johnsen

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VIRGIN KILLER, (2010, demo)

The skull:
This image is actually a little disturbing. It’s so grainy that it pretty much has to be a video screen cap, and although I guess it could be from some corny 70s horror movie, it looks a lot more like something that would have come out of Cambodia during the Pol Pot days. Why is this naked man (or boy?) holding a skull filled with sand, his hands wrapped in chains? Fuck if I know, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know. There’s no way there’s a happy story behind this, but let’s pretend. We’ll say that out of frame, attached to the chains, is the rubber seat of a swing, which this man is going to hang in a tree to delight the village children. But before he hangs it, he’s saying, “Here’s some shaved ice, to beat the heat! It’s lemon flavored. Sorry about the weird bowl, though. I was down in the basement yesterday getting out the Halloween decorations and I found this, so it was clean in the dish drainer today, and I figured I might as well get the most out of it. I promise it’s food safe! And hey, isn’t it funny that in America, it’s cold on Halloween? Not so down here in Colombia! Anyway, eat up, kids, there’s plenty for everyone, and I’ll have this swing up in a jiff!” And the children, living as they do in the peaceful nation of Colombia and knowing nothing of violence or skulls or virgin killing, happily tuck into the shaved ice and squeal with delight at the prospect of the new swing.

The music:
God, not another Colombian speed metal band! What have I done to deserve this? At least it’s not a rehearsal room demo, although probably this was recorded on a Tascam 4-track. In 2010. For fuck’s sake. Anyway, Virgin Killer sound like a really raw tribute to Vendetta or some other decidedly subprime band from Germany in the mid 80s. The vocalist amusingly splits the difference between Schmier and Mille, and again we’re talking 1986 here. This isn’t the worst thing of this sort I’ve ever heard, but it’s definitely pretty bad. Seems like the band got better fairly quickly, though, as their 2013 demo is listenable if still totally goofy. They have the silly energy of a Japanese retro band, where you’re not sure if the whole thing is a joke or not. It’s almost certainly not a joke, but it’s also almost certainly better to treat it as such. For your own sanity.
— Friar Johnsen

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ASCHENGLAS, Von Toten Gesungen (2006, demo)

The skull:
Though it looks a bit like a one-toothed baby monkey fashioned out of play-doh, I assume this is meant to be a human skull, placed as it is in a Catholic reliquary. Perhaps this is the skull of St. George. Not that one. I’m talking about St. George the Lesser, patron saint of curiosity. A pagan native of Africa, St. George was converted to Christianity and brought to the new world by a flamboyant missionary known more for his outlandish raiments than his piety. Though the earliest recorded deeds of George include a litany of criminal offenses, he would eventually assume the role of comforter and aid-giver, and was canonized for, among other works, miraculously curing a terminally ill little girl, although some scholars continue to maintain that the little girl was going to be discharged from the hospital anyway, and was in fact only there to have her tonsils removed. He was ultimately martyred by grown-ups whose places of business were destroyed during one of the saint’s periodic outbursts of mayhem. George was captured, bound, and finally murdered by lethal injection after biting a small boy, even though the boy dared George to do it, and even though the wound was a minor one. Today, the faithful pray to George for aid in focusing on boring tasks and avoiding the temptation to leap out windows to chase ducks.

The music:
Say what you will about BDS metal, but at least it’s usually not goth metal. Usually. Aschenglas defies the stereotype of BDSers as racist Frenchmen producing terrible black metal in their parents’ attic. Indeed, Aschenglas is the one-man bedroom project of a lonely Austrian who moans in German about the awful beauty of nature, probably. Musically pitched somewhere between Crematory and Type O Negative, Von Toten Gesungen is overwrought and ponderous, not to mention cheap-sounding. At least one song prominently features synthesized shawm. Though this demo is not entirely incompetent, it is mostly dull and comically pretentious. And, according to Metal Archives, “[t]wo songs feature programmed guitars only, although it is unknown which ones.” Now, there’s a first.
— Friar Johnsen

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FAITH OR FEAR, Demo of Fear ’86 (1986, demo)

The skull:
Who’s not scared of pirates, right? I mean, when you imagine your worst nightmare, the most abject terror, of course you picture the Jolly Roger. THAT’S that kind of fear we’re talking about. And not just any pirates, either, but ’86 pirates, with goofy haircuts and clothes that are a patchwork of dayglo neons and corporate logos. That’s some serious shit-your-pants fear, right? Right?

The music:
Some people only know Faith or Fear as the band who donated guitarist Meritt Gant to Overkill, but in truth, Gant was only in the band for about a year. Anyone else who knows Faith or Fear is likely to consider them a very poor substitute for a great melodic thrash band like Forbidden. It’s not that Faith or Fear were terrible, because they were reasonably good. It’s just that “reasonably good” among thrash bands in the late 80s put you pretty far down the ladder. I always wanted to like this band more than I do, because I have a soft spot for thrash bands with melodic singers, but Tim Blackman just isn’t a very good vocalist. His range is pretty narrow (excepting a few screams) and he doesn’t do a whole lot with what he has. But, he’s not awful, and the music is crunchy and more-or-less well written, so even though Faith or Fear were a decidedly third tier band, I guess you could say they were one of the better bands in that cohort. This is their first demo, and while only one of these songs made it to their lone full-length (recorded before their reunion, I mean), their sound was more or less in place from the start. Again, imagine Forbidden, minus the trickiest riffs and most of the hooks. That’s Faith or Fear. Of course, hailing from New Jersey, Faith or Fear were more likely to sprinkle in tough guy posturing than their left coast contemporaries, but at least they never devolved into goofy silliness, a la Anthrax at their worst (or best, I guess, if that’s how your tastes run.) Obviously, if you’ve never heard this band, you’ll want to start (and probably end) with their 1989 full length, Punishment Area, and even if you get beyond that, there’s a new album (which I haven’t heard) and a compilation of rerecorded demo tracks (although not stretching back so far as to encompass this particular demo), so you’d have to be really, really into Faith or Fear to have any reason to listen to Demo of Fear ’86 and probably everyone who would ever be that into this band already owns an original cassette copy.
— Friar Johnsen