DEUTERONOMIUM, To Die and Gain (1999, self-released)
“Check me out! I just won the olde-tyme Olympics!” “Awesome! What’s your event?” “Triple jump.” “Huh. Well, good for you.” “Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without the Lord, my savior, Jesus Christ. Also, the Father and the Holy Spirit. One for each jump.” “Uh, great, but I gotta be going.” “But wait! Have you heard the Good News?” “….”
It goes to show that you should never judge a book by its cover; I assumed from this hokey skull that I was in for some kind of crappy punk crossover shit, but instead I got… Christian deathrock! Not all surprises are pleasant, I’m afraid. Deuteronomium sound a bit like Dismember trying to sound like Wolverine Blues, except with on-the-nose lyrics about Jesus. Seriously, the lyrics are only one step beyond “Jesus loves me, this I know, because the bible told me so.” Really dreadful stuff. Thankfully, this is only a two song single (three if you could the epically unnecessary demo version of the title track) so my suffering came quickly to an end. I mean, not counting the suffering I’ll endure in the fires of hell for thinking Deuteronomium sucks.
— Friar Johnsen