CANNAE, Troubleshooting Death (2000, East Coast Empire)
Staring at a screengrab of this weirdly glowing skull, filthy with gravegrime, a weary Hyderabadi tech support agent asks, “Have you tried rebooting it? Is the skull plugged in?” He’s never quite understood the job of troubleshooting death, nor is he even comfortable asking who is ultimately paying him, but the wages are good. “Maybe these thorns are the issue. Were they there when the problems started?” He’s going off script, which rarely makes anyone happy, but he doesn’t know what else to say. “That stuff in the background is probably blood,” he muses. “Maybe when the flesh was removed…” he begins, when the caller curses at him and hangs up. He doesn’t care. He’s paid by the call, and the queue is deep.
Typical deathcore crap, a mix of the worst Obituary riffs and desultory breakdown chugs. There’s not much to say about this kind of music, so I’ll take this opportunity to appreciate the editorial decision of Metal Archives (the Council’s second favorite internet destination) to deny this entire style a place in its hallowed halls. For as much as I hate this stuff, I’d say it’s undeniably metal, and while all deathcore is completely awful, the same can be said of pornogrind, which is heartily welcomed in the Archives. One imagines that the embargo is not based on the music, but on the haircuts, or maybe the logos. Who knows, but it’s just another reason Metal Archives rules, even if it sometimes makes our jobs here at Skull HQ a little harder.
— Friar Johnsen