SKULL296

Posted on October 23, 2013 by Friar Wagner

HORRIFIER, Grim Fate (2010, Witches Brew)

The skull:
I’ll let Youtuber 13MATTallica96 do the guest review of this album cover for us: “The album cover the great contract of fear and pain; the blinding hate and fire of war and the cold eery darkness of its aftermath…” That’s perhaps reading a bit much into it, but what he’s essentially saying is this: it conveys the yin yang of any fate that can be considered “grim,” that whatever awaits, you cannot escape. What I see here isn’t war, though, but a forest fire that this humongous skull got caught in, probably while hiking. To the skull’s left the scene abruptly turns to an ocean, but it looks like the skull is right near the shore, so if someone would just yell “Move to your left!! No, YOUR left!!” he might be able to swim or float to safety. Therein lies a maddening quandary, because even if he escapes the fire, skulls can’t swim. The holes formed by the curved zygomatic/temporal bones are likely the most pronounced we’ve ever seen on a skull cover, so kudos to the artist for that. Also, credit to the artist for what is a very well-executed painting. No joke, it’s better than most we see around these parts.

The music:
I think of early Metallica and Razor songs played by Acrophet when listening to Grim Fate. Of course, in 2010 that means it’s hopelessly derivative, but I suppose if this had come out in 1985, I would have bought it, listened to it a few times, kept it around and then in 1990 realized it was was never going to be listened to in favor of other, better thrash albums, and tossed it. How did I know “Exordium/From Beyond the Grave” was going to be their “(Welcome Home) Sanitarium” rip before even hearing it? Probably the slash, which makes it look all progressive and stuff. “Exordium” is actually just an intro that sounds like a rejected idea for Side 1, Song 4-era Metallica (1984, 1986, 1988), and “From Beyond the Grave” is more well-played but entirely unnecessary thrash. Sometimes Horrifier sounds like early Def Leppard, or early Jag Panzer, as on “True Metal Never Rusts!,” which shows the band into trad-metal as much as thrash. Somehow, though, the song reminds me of Krank or another such useless band from 1986. Yeah, here’s another band riding the nostalgia train without offering anything that’s actually of their own.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL242

Posted on August 30, 2013 by Friar Wagner

BLOOD THIRSTY DEMONS, In the Grave (2004, C.M.)

The skull:
Two of two in our look at Italian band Blood Thirsty Demons, who somehow made it into the Skullection with two skull album covers in a row. I have not yet conferred with the good friar Johnsen regarding his views on the band’s music, but I’m pretty sure I got the superior cover. It’s immediately apparent that this skull is not in the grave at all, so I’m assuming he’s a runaway, or perhaps taking some kind of furlough from his skull-in-the-grave duties to tra-la-la his way through the beautiful Italian countryside. I would not be surprised if the next panel in this skull’s adventures found Dorothy, Toto and the Scarecrow skipping down the road and coming upon the skull. They would quickly realize he is not the next one they’re looking for (the Tin Man), so the Scarecrow gives a swift kick to the skull and they carry merrily on. This leaves the skull deeply hurt, wishing he’d never left the grave in the first place. It ain’t yellow brick, this road, it’s a sloping, bumpy dirty path, but c’mon people, a friar’s gotta use his imagination this far into the Skullection.

The music:
Sanctis Ghoram of the Paul Chain band and that guy in Dark Quarterer are pretty terrible singers, but they have a kind of charm. The dude in Blood Thirsty Demons, however, is just a shitty vocalist; no charm, no character, nothing. And musically this album is a shambles, merging traditional metal, doom, a little thrash, even some punk. None of it is interesting or memorable. It’s not even played very well. And no, “C.M.” does not stand for Century Media. No respectable label in their right mind would sign these guys. (P.S. I have since read Friar Johnsen’s review of Blood Thirsty Demons’ other skull-laden album. He was much kinder to them, and that’s terrific. It might be a better album than this. It is five years on from this earlier one. But I am in one seriously shitty mood today, so sitting through 31 minutes of this guy’s yelping and his band’s hashed together metal junk is not helping lift my spirits.)
— Friar Wagner

SKULL158

Posted on June 7, 2013 by Friar Wagner

FACESHIFT, Chokehold (2007, Black Lodge)

The skull:
Classy cover. Logo and artwork bordered in rectangle and square, it’s all about an
orderly aesthetic. The skull hangs in a mist of various shades of gray, wearing an afro of dead trees. Sorta like a Chia Pet skull for the goth metal set. It’s an interesting and somewhat creative piece of art. A different sort of image from the norm we usually see ’round these parts.

The music:
From looking at the artwork, the band name, the label and the members’ origins, I assumed this would be melodic death metal. And it sorta is, just minus the death. Faceshift plays melodic metal that sounds like a mixture of latter-day Sentenced and newer Nocturnal Rites, only not as good, and with a vocalist that has absolutely no edge whatsoever. This is a single, so the only song it offers is “Chokehold.” It’s a polite stab at accessible, infectious melodic metal, but far too nice and harmless, lacking any kind of depth. Very “assembly line” in its approach and dull mid-paced momentum. This song is, in fact, so incredibly squeaky clean it’s barely metal. The dudes come from a heavier and longer-running band called Eternal Oath, so we’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and allow them into the hallowed halls of Big Dumb Skulls. The ultimate verdict: cool artwork for a pretty weak song. Incidentally, this song also appears on their Reconcile album, which features two skulls joined by the same sort of dead trees seen on the cover of this single. Continuity, man, continuity.
— Friar Wagner