SALACIOUS GODS, Piene (2005, Folter)

The skull:
Though this is obviously a piece of bargain basement Photoshoppery, I prefer to imagine that the plastic flatness of this cover was achieved by different, analog means. I’m speaking, of course, of Colorforms®. Imagine the possibilities! A few pieces from the “Skulls, Teeth, and Bones” starter kit, then a few maces from the “Medieval Weaponry” set, a pair of horns from “Goats, Sheep, and Cows,” and finally, something from a pack of “Spiky Crowns and Pointy Accoutrements”. Obviously the people who make albums like this have the minds of children, so it would make sense to cater to their edutainment needs. Frankly, I can’t imagine why the University Games Corporation hasn’t yet come out with an entire line of Big Dumb Skull® Colorforms®. I’m sure The Council would consider a license for so esteemed a property.

The music:
Speedy mid-fi black metal, reminding me of early Immortal, or Gorgoroth minus the madness. Competent, but so utterly derivative that I can’t be bothered to even try to enjoy it. I don’t as a rule seek out black metal, and yet I’ve heard dozens, maybe a hundred bands exactly like this. Salacious Gods even wear corpse paint. Well, at least they wore it in 2005 when Piene (which means “full” in Italian) came out, but way back then, corpse paint was only 75% as gauche as it is today, and I if it frightened their mothers and their old school teachers and the other straights, well, I guess it was worth it.
— Friar Johnsen