SKULL435

THE WOUNDED KINGS, In the Chapel of the Black Hand (2011, I Hate)

The skull:
Though it was clearly painted by a high school senior, this is a nice and moody piece that’s only spoiled by the too-crisp typography of the logo and title. Though there’s nothing especially evocative of a chapel to be seen here, this at least looks like the sort of thing you might see in the Black Hand’s chapel, I suppose. And though it’s surely meant to be painted on, I prefer to think that the pentagram and its associated script is actually the most evil yarmulke ever, the ideal headgear for some serious hardcore satanic Kabbalah.

The music:
Ever wonder what Ozzy might sound like if he were a woman? If that nasal, pinched voice of his were pitched a half octave higher and with even less body? Well then, I have the band for you! Singer Sharie Neyland transforms otherwise merely boring occult doom metal into something uniquely annoying with her infuriating witchy poo voice. To be fair, if the greatest male singer of all time tried his hand at her melodies, he would also fail to inspire, as she seems intent on never moving more than a step at a time from the last note. Simply atrocious. The music is no worse than most shit in this vein (see also: Lord Vicar, Electric Wizard, et al) but that means it’s already bad enough to avoid. Add in these spectacularly shitty vocals and this is a must-miss affair.
— Friar Johnsen

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