SKULL470

EMPERADOR, Gloria en la Oscuridad  (2011, Unblack Metal Scene)

The skull:
This is a first: a skull split vertically down the middle. What manner of implement could cleave a skull in such a manner? Only a Ferm 800w Table Saw with Mitre Function 240V, and doncha know, the Ferm 800w Table Saw with Mitre Function 240V is the official circular table saw of Big Dumb Skulls. As Seen on TV: “When You’ve Got to Cleave a Skull and You’ve Gotta Do it Now, Make a Ferm Decision.”

The music:
Is there really a record label called Unblack Metal Scene Records? There is. And you can pretty much assume most if not all the bands on the roster are shit. If Swine Suicide and Willow Mount number among your favorite artists, then you either have terribly oppressive Christian parents who don’t care if the black metal you listen to sucks, or you simply have crappy taste in black metal — probably both. Emperador are not the worst offenders playing this sort of thing, but they’re a mess and they’re incredibly derivative of the Norwegian and Swedish black metal bands of the early ’90s. Except they love God, Christ and the Mother Mary. Great, huh? Not really. That everything was apparently recorded on a boom box in the basement doesn’t help their cause. There’s a fine line between sounding necro and sounding crappy. Guess which side of the line Emperador falls on? Nice try, and again, I’ve heard much worse, but this is pointless on a number of levels.
— Friar Wagner

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