SKULL626

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TARANTULAH, Promo Version (2012, self-released)

The skull:
It was the final selfie ol’ Spider took of his bad-ass self. He drifted off to sleep listening to some shitty grind core demo tape. The cig he was enjoying fell out of his teeth and burnt the entire place to the ground. Falling asleep while smoking is bad enough, but having no lips with which to create a vaccum-tight seal around the filter? Certain death. At least he was able to treat the selfie with a cool “film negative” effect before texting it to his buddies in Tarantulah. This is their tribute to him.

The music:
I’ve never heard Malaysian grindcore before, but after sitting through this mercifully short two-song release, I never, ever, ever want to hear Malaysian grindcore again. A sloppy, shambling, shitty, pointless mess. Who needs it? If you do, check this out, or their contributions to the deliciously-titled Chaotic of Psycho Golden Triangle split.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL625

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RETALIADOR, Ultra Violência (2006, demo)

The skull:
A second skull from Retaliador, this one a little more typical than the last. I must admit, I miss the silly hat. But, you can’t argue with a proper hammersmashing, I guess. What I like most here is the crazy extension of the lower jaw. It’s the usual case of an artist not really thinking about how bones movie to produce the shapes you see in real, fleshclad bodies. If this guy actually closed his jaw, he’d have an underbite to rival Popeye’s, and this guy also has to contend with fangs. It’s not so much ultra violência this guy needs, but ultra orthodoncia.

The music:
As on the demo Friar Wagner reviewed yesterday, this one trades mostly in mid 80s thrash riffs of the sort those endearingly inept Germans stumbled through. Without having heard that demo, I can still say that Retaliador probably got better in the interim. This is not polished stuff, but it’s still fairly advanced from the almost comically sloppy playing on the earliest Sodom and Kreator recordings. For the oldschoolers who love this throwback crap, that might be a problem, and for those of us whose baseline standards for execution were set in the later, more professional 80s, this is still too messy to be good. No one wins! But, if for some reason you’re still jonesing for Retaliador, this demo and a bunch of other stuff was collected on CD in 2012, although if you’re listening to this on disc and not tape, all your friends will know you’re totally untr00.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL624

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RETALIATOR, Comando das Trevas (2005, demo)

The skull:
Quickly hand-drawn in black crayon, cut out and pasted onto black construction paper, the Retaliator skull is not at all happy about this. Nor is he pleased with the Egyptian headdress he was forced to wear. It’s very uncomfortable. And so hot. He’s sweating underneath it, which is remarkable considering his lack of skin and pores. He was promised to be the central figure on a cover “that would rival the Egyptian majesty of Powerslave!!!” Clearly, this was an empty promise. It’s no wonder his expression is all “good grief…” We hear ya, buddy. We’ll use our connections in the skull world to find you an agent who can maybe secure a better gig for you, maybe with Krokus, or maybe if Crossfire reunites…we’ll do what we can, man. We feel for you.

The music:
Also known as Retaliador, these Brazilians wear Angel Witch, Hellhammer and Possessed shirts, and are exactly that old-school in their own musical approach. They sound very Brazilian, and very 1985, and they rip ass pretty well, sounding like early Destruction in both riffing and production style. It’s like an alternate-world version of the Sentence of Death EP, although some of the attempted melodic vocals would have never come from Schmier’s throat. In fact, there’s a decidedly Sarcofago-ish bent to the vocals, which means they sound completely untrained, unchained, and insane. The other reference point would be, surprise surprise, Sodom! And lo and behold…It’s not like we needed another cover of Sodom’s “Blasphemer,” but Retaliator have delivered one anyway. Yes, we’ve heard all of this before, and this is basically useless and pointless, but hey, if you dig the earliest crud by Destruction, Sodom, and Sarcofago (and I say “crud” with great affection, because I’m one of those), then this is worth one spin. But probably only one.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL623

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WITH HIS BLOOD, Disdain (2012, self-released)

The skull:
When your using stencils to make your graffiti, you should really tape them to the wall, or else you’re going to misalign everything and overspray everything to hell. If you want to be a top tier street artist, you really gotta pay attention to craft! You think Banksy works this way? Fuck no!

The music:
Ah, crabcore, how I’ve missed you! In the early days of Big Dumb Skulls, it seemed like I was listening to something like this every week or two, some steaming pile of ToonTrack samples, bass drops, and numetal grooves retooled for 8 string guitars. And With His Blood are doubly awesome/shitty for being Christian. At least, I’m going to assume they’re Christian, what with that band name and song titles like “Condemn” and “Product of Sin”. Not that it matters – making a band this stupid Christian is like adding one to infinity. I’d rather listen to a thousand Peruvian death metal demos than another disc like this because even the most unimaginative bullet belter has some measure of musical integrity, while these slam holes are basically metaphors come to life for empty adolescent rage. With beards.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL622

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NILS COURBARON’S PROJECT, Madness Leads to Death (2012, self-released)

The skull:
This is just too easy. It’s self-explanatory, really. You put an elaborate jester’s cap like this on a skull and our work is pretty much done for us. I mean, if you look closely, the thing even has a chinstrap to keep it from slipping off the skull. How awesome is that? I had no idea jester caps had chin straps! And, as if the headgear wasn’t adornment enough, this dude’s got a bunch of tattoos (probably Henna) and a damn Ninja throwing star glued to his forehead. Do we have to explain with any level of detail why this is fucking hilariously stupid and stupidly hilarious? Didn’t think so.

The music:
Just in case you were wondering, this is Nils Courbaron’s project. It’s described on Metal Archives as “Symphonic Technical Death Metal,” but somebody is clearly smoking crack, because how can something be death metal if it’s instrumental? I have never had to ponder that one in all my years of trudging through the metal trenches. I suppose if this sounded like a karaoke-ready version of Dismember’s Pieces EP, the answer would be clear enough, but this EP sounds more like a karaoke-ready version of Sonata Arctica-meets-Yngwie Malmsteen. (“Bag er Maru” sounds like freakin’ Don Cortes Maya – who is, no joke, really awesome.) Symphonic, yes. Technical? Technically, yes. Death metal? Errr….yeah, right. It’s okay, but that’s really just a nice way of saying Nils plays extremely well but the songs are boring as fuck.

***As an exclusive bonus for you loyal Big Dumb Skulls readers, here’s a transcription from Nils Courbaron’s recent appearance at Wacken Open Air. If this doesn’t make your hair stand on end with electrifying excitement, you’re already dead:

Nils to the thousands:
“Whose project is this?”

The throngs:
“Nils Courbarons!”

Nils:
“C’mon, you can do better ‘n that. I sayyy-ed…WHOSE PROJECT IS THIS?!?!?!”

The throngs:
“Nils Courbarons!!!!!!”

Nils:
“Pretty good, but not quite…give it to me one more time, this time with a possessive apostrophe! I SAID: WHOSE PROJECT IS THIS?????????????!!!!!!!!!????????????”

The throngs:
“NILS COURBARON’S!!!!!!”

Nils:
“You finally got that riiiiiight!!! This one’s called ‘Dying for Glorrrryyyyyy’!!!!!”

[the throngs go apeshit and the Project – Nils Courbaron’s Project – plays on through the night…]

— Friar Wagner

SKULL621

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BETRAYED, 1879 Tales of War (1990, Oso)

The skull:
The war in question is the Saltpetre war, which I’m guessing not many people outside of South America have ever heard about, but in short, the war was about control of nitrate deposits in the Atacama desert (hence the sand) and was fought by Chile, Peru, and Bolivia. I doubt the combat involved men racing across the sands on foot firing pistols at their enemies, but you never know. Maybe that’s how it went down, and maybe this is the most historically authentic Big Dumb Skull ever. At the least, it seems likely that this is an original photo for this album, which makes it the first classic snap-a-shot-of-a-real-skull BDS in a long time. Well played, Betrayed.

The music:
I was going to say that Betrayed play thrash like high schoolers, but then I remembered that Death Angel were just kids when they recorded The Ultra-Violence, so I guess Betrayed play like grade schoolers. That alone would only make them medium bad on the broad spectrum of old thrash quality, though. It’s the vocals that really push Betrayed into the red. The “singing” here kinda sounds like Snake doing an interview, or Tom G. Warrior in “Mesmerized” if he sounded a little less like a haunted house ghost. It’s a weirdly accented Sprechgesang. Betrayed wear their influences on their sleeves, too: a Voivod riff here, a Kreator knick there, Metallica throughout. There’s not an original (or good) idea to be had here, and to boot the playing and production are terrible. The only people who would like this are the guys who only listen to shit no one else has heard of. If you’re one of those dudes, then Betrayed just might become your new favorite band.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL620

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MASOCHIST, The Extent of Human Error (2012, UKEM)

The skull:
I think I know what’s going on here. Try and stay with me on this. This guy was down in the Upper Big Branch Mine in Birchton, WV, when an explosion occurred (the same explosion depicted in Skull616). The flashlight on this unfortunate miner’s helmet fused to his recently de-fleshed skull in the wake of the explosion. The hand we see here does not belong to the skull, or at least, it’s not attached to a body any longer. There it hangs, grafted onto a bloodied rock slab. This is all very disturbing, and we Friars stand with the Council of the Elders of the Skull in stating that “Mining disasters are not funny, even if skull covers are often hilarious.” We admit being conflicted on how to feel about this one.

The music:
This EP is sooooo 1994. It’s got that post-peak vibe to it, that peculiar sound of decent, capable death metal bands who have learned their lessons well and bring a laudable vibe of death, doom and darkness to bear in their own brand of death metal while putting nothing forth that hasn’t come before. They go slightly weird for about three measures of “Crucify the Whore” with some jarring, industrial noises, and they give a nod to pig-grunt “rhee-rhee-rhee” vocal silliness on “Born Fucked,” but generally it’s straightforward grindy death. You can either consider this many, many, many years too late, or a throwback to that gray era of “what now?” just beyond death metal’s peak years (1988-1993). Either way it’s a no-win, making it difficult to endorse this band unless you treasure those mid ‘90s albums by Killing Addiction, Internal Bleeding and Desecration (UK) as the very acme of the death metal art.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL619

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KILLERS, Mise aux Poings 2001 (2001, Brennus)

The skull:
It looks cheap, but this cover works for me for some reason. Probably the green. Green and flowers are not very heavy, so you don’t see them too much on metal covers, but Killers don’t give a shit. They said to the president of their label, “Nous voulons des fleurs, et de jolis verts et jaunes. Ajouter un crâne, si vous devez,” and, sipping from his glass of wine, the president replied, “Il doit en être ainsi.”

The music:
This is the French Killers, not the Paul Di’Anno project of the early 90s, and Mise aux Poings is, you will not be surprised to learn, a re-recording (made in 2001) of their 1987 album of the same name (minus the year, of course.) Why they did this, I cannot say. It sure as hell wasn’t to improve on the cover, because the original had an awesome angry bird on it. Not that kind of Angry Bird. As for the tunes, I haven’t heard the original version, but this newer one is not a great-sounding album, and it’s not at all modern sounding (2001 modern, I mean). Also, it’s hard to imagine that this singer was somehow worse when he was younger, but maybe one of the other guys, like the drummer, really blew on the original. I’d have guessed that maybe it was an issue of rights or something, but the same label that issued this reissued the original as well in the late 90s. So, who knows, or cares? It’s a very solid album, at least. Killers are a pretty good French speed/power metal whose main problem is that they sing in French. I have nothing against the French language, or non-English metal, but French is almost entirely unsuitable to heavy metal. Czech? Sure. Russian? You bet! Faroese? I’m in! But the romance languages fare rather poorly in metallic applications, generally speaking (and I make that final concession merely out of politeness – I have never yet heard le metaux français that wouldn’t have been better en anglais.) If you wish ADX were a little more polished and melodic, or if you wish Sortilege were a bit faster and heavier, then Killers is the band for you. If that last sentence didn’t make any sense to you, then you’re off the hook on this one.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL618

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MACTEP (aka MASTER), Talk of the Devil (1992, Moroz)

The skull:
You know how chicks are seen in television shows and countless commercials holding a coffee cup with two hands as if they’re little kids whose dainty hands couldn’t possibly hold the cup by the handle like a proper adult? What is that? Is there a word or phrase for it? Has anyone ever been annoyed by this before? This skull cover reminds me exactly of that. Drink deep from the skull of good and evil, gals. Drink from the eye sockets and nose hole. Drink deep. Heaven or hell…pick your poison. Lesbian devil, cover girl angel — and one hand you’d never want to hold in the movie theater. Drink deep, you babes of metal. And it’s okay if you’re holding it like that … this mug doesn’t come with a handle.

The music:
If The Laws of Scourge-era Sarcofago covered Iron Angel’s Hellish Crossfire with a mealy-mouthed but well-meaning mini-Martin Walkyier-meets-Tom Angelripper wannabe on vocals, it might sound something like Talk of the Devil. Whether or not that’s too derivative or third-tier for you depends on how much originality you demand. This band is Russian (and are still active), so the fact this sounds very “1986” even if it was recorded half a decade later, well, that’s okay…stuff seeped out of Europe much slower in those pre-Internet days. And it’s still not as bad as any given British thrash album circa 1992. There’s not much here that hasn’t been done better by others (like, uh, Sarcofago, Iron Angel, Sabbat and Sodom), but there are some decent moments to grab hold of, such as the seething “Fallen Angel,” and “Live to Die” is easy to like, with its wealth of rifferifically rifftastic riffs. The cover of “Paranoid,” however, could never impress, since 1) the original is fine enough already, 2) it’s been covered to death a la “Smoke in the Water” and 3) Type O Negative’s version is so good that it shut the door on anyone else hoping to cover it. So there.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL617

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ARSIS, Leper’s Caress (2012, Scion Audio Visual)

The skull:
The Leper must have caressed too hard – all the skin came off. It’s cool that this skull opened himself up to the affections of the afflicted, but I guess what we have here is a case of “no good deed goes unpunished.” But, for a rubbed-raw skull, this sketchy guy is looking pretty good, classy even, on his faux-paper background. The giant car company logo probably stings a bit, but I imagine he’ll get over it eventually, especially if he gets a free, boxy, orange car out of the deal.

The music:
Of all the bands to spring up from the initial boom of melodic death metal, Arsis are easily the best remaining, and maybe the best ever, and they accomplished this despite arriving on the scene fairly late. Sure, there are a few albums in the genre I prefer to any random Arsis disc, but these are the stone classics, like Slaughter of the Soul, Chainheart Machine, and The Mind’s I, and while while Dark Tranquillity has mostly made a career out of “good enough” and Soilwork has spent most of their time being downright shitty, Arsis have never released a bad album. Some are better than others, but they’re all pretty great, and the best of them are absolute masterpieces. My least favorite of their albums is probably the full length that immediately preceded this EP. Starve for the Devil somehow came off as too cheeky, even for a band who never took themselves too seriously, and so I had begun to wonder if the end had begun for Arsis, but Leper’s Caress turned out to be my favorite of their releases since their classic debut. James Malone, the guitarist/vocalist mastermind of the band, is an astounding player who shits out great riffs at such a prodigious rate that one suspects sorcery or other supernatural aid. This EP seems to have been written and recorded at the same time as the full-length that followed (and in fact all of the tracks from the EP, which was itself a freebie item from the weird Scion A/V promotional juggernaut, were tacked onto that album as bonus material) and you’d be hard pressed to draw a line between the killer and the filler across the sum of 16 tracks (6 of which appear here), but if I had to pick just one, I’d take the EP over the album. It’s fun while not being unserious, the songs are superbly crafted, and the guitarwork is brilliant. Like all Arsis releases, the weak link is the drumming – Malone seems to have a hard time holding onto drummers, and the ones he ropes into recording all appear to have tenuous relationships with tempo and naturalistic tones. The kit on Leper’s Caress, as on basically every Arsis release, are quantized and triggered to all hell, sounding downright fake in places, but these are not the worst-sounding drums in the Arsis discography (those would be the outlandish three-snare kit played by Darren Cesca on We Are the Nightmare), and really, aside from the clicky kick, these almost approach natural-sounding, at least by Arsis standards. I can live with them, that’s for sure, because the music is so great that even a drum machine couldn’t ruin it. If you want a physical copy of this disc, you’ll have to see Arsis live and buy a shirt or something – they’ll give you the EP for free. It’s totally worth doing, even if you already have the tracks on Unwelcome because Arsis are one of the only death metal bands who are as fun on stage as on disc. Top to bottom, Arsis rules, and you need to be listening to them.
— Friar Johnsen