SKULL246

Posted on September 3, 2013 by Friar Wagner

GODZILLA, II (1990, Metal Enterprises)

The skull:
Simple, effective, and totally misleading in that you believe you’re in for a rollicking bout of epic metal action. The skull is hungry for battle and has got the sweet helmet to prove it. “Give me war!” he cries. You’re thinking “Manilla Road…Brocas Helm…Ostrogoth…Omen” just about now right?

Wrong.

The music:
Holy mother of god, this is horrendous. Utterly fascinating, but horrendous. So what do we have here? There’s opener “Ingoz,” a bit of raw sludge that acts as a thematic intro to a way-too-long, unintentionally-dissonant, super-retarded cover of “Helter Skelter.” “Ass of the Prophet” is as thick and ugly as ashtray molasses, and it incorporates harmonica to add insult to injury. It also features some completely clueless vocals. A slow blues, basically. Are you braindead yet? Then there’s the utterly horrifying reggae/’80s pop car-wreck of “I Followed the Zombie,” rendering the label name “Metal Enterprises” an egregious case of false advertising. There’s more…so much more…and no real reason to report any further on it, although I did my best to endure this album a couple times in one sitting. I’ve heard a lot of shitty albums, and this one is at the top of that list (most Metal Enterprises albums are fighting for space on that Top 10, and winning. Like Killer Fox). I can’t think of a more directionless, pointless, inept and incompetent album. I doubt if even the most fanatical collector of traditional heavy metal obscurities would find this an acceptable addition to their collection. This really is more for enthusiasts of remarkably bad music, who will enjoy throwing away 45 minutes of their life with this circle of crud. This almost makes me wish I was listening to yet another skull-friendly Pantera clone. Godzilla’s II is one of those records that has a far more interesting and entertaining history behind it than what the actual music offers. (Can you imagine what Godzilla I is like?) For a highly informative view into this label and their dubious releases, I recommend you go here.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL245

Posted on September 2, 2013 by Friar Johnsen

CROWLEY, Whisper of the Evil (1986, Electric Lady Land)

The skull:
Skulls impaled on crosses are in no short supply, and indeed the most famous example of the form was also released in 1986, but this is a particularly fine specimen. The blood red brains are an obvious focal point, but it’s the worried expression that really seals the deal. “How bad does it look?” he asks, knowing that something’s not right but, perhaps in a state of shock, not able to fully grasp the magnitude of his injuries. “Oh, it’s not too bad. You look good. You’ll be feeling right as rain in no time, and hey, that star thing looks pretty cool” you mumble, as you slowly back away. “What star thing?” he asks, but you’re already gone. He’ll figure it all out soon enough, and you don’t want to be the one to break it to him.

The music:
If the only Japanese metal band you’ve ever heard is Loudness, then, well, you can still pretty much imagine what Crowley sounds like, although Crowley are more or less all metal, avoiding the cheesier hard rock tendencies of Loudness. Of course, we’re talking about pre-Thunder in the East Loudness, not the hairy stuff you might have seen on MTV (not that there’s anything wrong with that period, either.) There are some hints of Mercyful Fate black metal in Crowley, but mostly this is midtempo American-style power metal not entirely unlike early Savatage (although not nearly as good) or Lääz Rockit. The vocals, high pitched and powerful, are solid, with the understanding that this is mid 80s Japanese metal, so he vibrato is extreme and you’ll probably never figure out if Takashi Iwai is singing English or Japanese. Whisper of the Evil is a pleasant enough album, but it’s not a lost relic of total brilliance. You’re unlikely to ever come across a copy in the wild, so if you’re bored at work and want to waste 30 minutes listening to old Nippon metal on YouTube, well, you could do worse.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL244

Posted on September 1, 2013 by Friar Wagner

MAZO, Mazo (1982, Mercury)

The skull:
Anything wearing a biker cap is setting itself up for gay jokes, so I won’t go there. This skull is trying so hard to be bad-ass, not just the cap but that look of near-madness in his eyes and the cig dangling from his mouth. Like, “I’ll smoke as much as I want to…I’m already dead.” The rest of the album cover has a color and design scheme that could ONLY come from some third-rate ’80s European metal band…or some new hipster band out of southern California co-opting this very aesthetic without really giving much of a fuck about real metal beyond maybe Iron Maiden…Saxon if they’re really digging deep. But I digress. I’m gonna guess Mazo sounds like a scrappy Krokus. Ah shit, I can’t help it: this skull looks flaming-ass gay.

The music:
Okay, these Spaniards are no Krokus. It’s hardly metal, actually — certainly no more metal than the punky pub-rock that sometimes passes for metal in the NWOBHM realm. Nah, this is more like Ramones meets Motorhead meets generic late ’70s hard rock meets some semi-melodic Spanish pop-punk band (I don’t know a single Spanish punk rock band, so I can’t name names). It’s very energetic, totally upbeat and bright, and a whole lot of fun if you’re into carefree, intentionally one-dimensional rock/punk. Occasionally there’s a melodic guitar line that’s somewhat in tune with the Judas Priest/Iron Maiden trad-metal vibe (“Has Cambiado”) or a riff that gets a bit more dark and serious (the last half of “Depresion” is pretty cool), so I can understand how Mazo ended up appealing to metalheads, especially in 1982, and I’ll give ’em a pass there. But as well-played as this is, and well-sung too, I can’t get into it. They’re just so damn jolly-sounding. What’s their deal, don’t they know there are huge problems to shout about in this world? Wasn’t the Iran/Contra scandal happening around this time? The Star Wars anti-missile defense system? What about all that? Mazo didn’t give a fuck. Pretty sure I would have taken a chance on this as a 12-year-old in 1982, since it has a skull on the cover, but I probably would have been disappointed even back then.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL243

Posted on August 31, 2013 by Friar Johnsen

GRAVE, Screaming from the Grave / Dreamer (1983, self-released)

The skull:
We see a lot of badly drawn skulls here at Skull HQ, but this is not one one them. No, this is one of the most awesomely drawn skulls we’ve come across. He’s weirdly deformed, as if he’s frowning so hard his entire face has started to collapse into itself, and his teeth are carved into little skulls themselves! What a badass grill! This skull is a fairly perfect encapsulation of the competing draws of heavy metal: the danger and the fun. It’s a mean-looking, angry skull, but at the same time, no one would take this guy too seriously. He’s not scaring anyone, and we love him all the more for it. I also love the many elements of the logo: the scroll, the spider web, the dripping blood, and the letters that look like carven stones in a desert. It presages Death’s peerless logo for the number of gimmicks attempted at once. Total genius.

The music:
This is not the Grave you’re thinking of, but they are Swedish. This Grave played the NWOBHM-inspired metal that was quite common in Sweden back then (and which is sometimes called FWOSHM), and they did it quite well. This self-released single contains two high energy tunes with catchy vocal lines, pretty good singing (for an early Swedish band), and some nice keyboard work (Hammond and synth). This is hardly essential stuff (and the band broke up after one more demo, leaving precious little in the way of a legacy), but if you’re into this sort of thing, Grave are surely better than a lot of the other obscure crap you listen to.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL242

Posted on August 30, 2013 by Friar Wagner

BLOOD THIRSTY DEMONS, In the Grave (2004, C.M.)

The skull:
Two of two in our look at Italian band Blood Thirsty Demons, who somehow made it into the Skullection with two skull album covers in a row. I have not yet conferred with the good friar Johnsen regarding his views on the band’s music, but I’m pretty sure I got the superior cover. It’s immediately apparent that this skull is not in the grave at all, so I’m assuming he’s a runaway, or perhaps taking some kind of furlough from his skull-in-the-grave duties to tra-la-la his way through the beautiful Italian countryside. I would not be surprised if the next panel in this skull’s adventures found Dorothy, Toto and the Scarecrow skipping down the road and coming upon the skull. They would quickly realize he is not the next one they’re looking for (the Tin Man), so the Scarecrow gives a swift kick to the skull and they carry merrily on. This leaves the skull deeply hurt, wishing he’d never left the grave in the first place. It ain’t yellow brick, this road, it’s a sloping, bumpy dirty path, but c’mon people, a friar’s gotta use his imagination this far into the Skullection.

The music:
Sanctis Ghoram of the Paul Chain band and that guy in Dark Quarterer are pretty terrible singers, but they have a kind of charm. The dude in Blood Thirsty Demons, however, is just a shitty vocalist; no charm, no character, nothing. And musically this album is a shambles, merging traditional metal, doom, a little thrash, even some punk. None of it is interesting or memorable. It’s not even played very well. And no, “C.M.” does not stand for Century Media. No respectable label in their right mind would sign these guys. (P.S. I have since read Friar Johnsen’s review of Blood Thirsty Demons’ other skull-laden album. He was much kinder to them, and that’s terrific. It might be a better album than this. It is five years on from this earlier one. But I am in one seriously shitty mood today, so sitting through 31 minutes of this guy’s yelping and his band’s hashed together metal junk is not helping lift my spirits.)
— Friar Wagner

SKULL241

Posted on August 29, 2013 by Friar Johnsen

BLOOD THIRSTY DEMONS, Occultum Lapidem (2009, Black Funeral Promotions)

The skull:
It’s sort of surprising that there aren’t more metal covers like this: old, morbid paintings by the masters. This work is from a series of still lifes with skulls by the Flemish Adriaen van Utrecht (died 1652), any one of which would have made a fine low-budget album cover. Set amid a key, a compass, a candlestick holder, and a book, this skull obviously seeks knowledge, and perhaps foreshadows the ultimate end of all search. Or something like that. I’m sure Blood Thirsty Demons just tore it out of a textbook, begrudgingly admitting that there’s some cool shit in this stupid art history book their stupid teacher is making them carry around all fucking day, as if they don’t have a math book and that big ass geography book to deal with, too. Anyway, despite the evident and time-tested coolness of the painting, it bears little obvious relation to the title, which means “Hidden Stone” (famously the ending of the alchemical anagram VITRIOL “Visita Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem,” which I don’t know but assume is the referent of that Absu album title), unless we’re to assume the manuscript contains transmutational formulae. And frankly, I think I’m already giving Blood Thirsty Demons too much credit. I think someone in the band found a neat old skull painting, and a mysterious-sounding latin phrase, and just jammed them together.

The music:
I was absolutely positive I would be sitting through yet another shitty bedroom black metal project when I queued this one up, but, much to my surprise and delight, what I got instead was a kind of mediocre Megadeth knockoff with a dash of Venom, which is to say midpaced thrash played a little sloppily but with heart. Bloody Thirsty Demons are presumably grown men, but they make music like a high school band. Each song has maybe four or five riffs, repeated endlessly, seemingly because no one in the group knows better than to do that. It’s not that the riffs are bad, because some of them are actually kind of catchy and fun, but they’re hardly so good to deserve as much love as they get in these arrangements. The vocals are almost comically bad, and by that I mean they’re literally bad in a funny way, as if singer Cristian Mustaine (a name too good to be true) is trying to make us laugh. His voice is pitched somewhere between Paul Baloff and Udo, but goofier than either (which is saying something.) The production isn’t half-bad, and the playing is acceptably good, but the amateurishness of the songwriting is sufficient to put me off on Blood Thirsty Demons. At least they aren’t the atrocity I was expecting.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL240

Posted on August 28, 2013 by Friar Wagner

FEAST FOR THE CROWS, When All Seems to Be Burned (2007, Bastardized Recordings)

The skull:
For once my attention is not on the skull itself, but on the nonsense idea/graphics happening below. These two guys (identical twins, apparently) are talking simultaneously, saying “when all seems to be burned.” Very pessimistic, boys. They look dopey with their heads maned with what looks like yellow fire or sunflower petals. I’ll go with sunflower petals, just for fun. The skull itself, well he’s just hanging out above these guys, his ear holes having sprouted dragons and sporting wings behind him. You know how it is. Happens all the time. These wings apparently have no practical purpose for either skull or dragon. An ugly mess of yellow, this cover, with a concept that’s pretty much random nonsense without any meaning whatsoever. And yes indeed, I am looking for PROFOUND meaning in these skull covers! Maybe that’s the problem.

The music:
For a band who I’ve seen labelled as both “melodic death metal” and “metalcore,” I will give Feast For The Crows props: they are certainly melodic and deathly enough to qualify as “melodic death metal,” and if they’re “metalcore,” they certainly have equal amounts of metal and, uh, “core” to skate by. It’s not really my sort of thing, especially when they get into the slower breakdowns (as within “Abandon”) but they’re quite good at what they’re trying to achieve. The performances are all strong, although the drums sound much too fake/plastic. Getting further into the guts of this album, this is almost the missing link between Odium and Feel Sorry For the Fanatic that Morgoth failed to deliver. You know, that kind of German metal that sits in a genre-less nether-region, borrowing bits of this and bits of that and ending up with precision attack cold metal. F.F.T.C. give it a more modern/generic twist, but that’s the general wheelhouse this thing sits in.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL239

Posted on August 27, 2013 by Friar Wagner

DYING FETUS, War of Attrition (2007, Relapse)

The skull:
Is this the first skull in the Big Dumb Skulls Skullection to wear a wig? We’ll have to
have our guys in the truck check the stats on that. The wig is not what the eye goes to
first, though: it’s the missles, the Statue of Liberty crown, and the American flags. You
wonder if this is some kind of anti-American statement or a hyper-patriotic one? Guessing
by the band name and the type of music they play, I’m assuming it’s neither…just a band
tired of parading out the guts ‘n’ entrails imagery looking for something more
intellectual to convey. Nice try.

The music:
It’s hard to take Dying Fetus to task for being so generic in style and delivery. They’re an interesting mixture on this album of tech-death, steamroller simplicity, super-low vocal delivery, and chunky post-death grooves. They’re still generic in style and delivery, but they’ve been doing it consistently since 1993, so I step back and offer respect for their longevity. As for their popularity, well, Miller Lite and Justin Bieber are extremely popular, so popularity is no indicator of quality. But that’s where the comparison stops: Dying Fetus have integrity, and I recognize that. Listening to War of Attrition, it’s hard not to be impressed with how tightly played it is, how technically dazzling some moments are (“Fate of the Condemned”) and how cleanly produced it is without lacking impact. I also wonder how anyone can make room for this in their life when so many other, more interesting death metal albums had already come before this album in 2007. I guess some people can eat McDonald’s every single day and never tire of it.
— Friar Wagner

SKULL238

Posted on August 26, 2013 by Friar Johnsen

DREAM EVIL, Gold Medal in Metal (2008, Century Media)

The skull:
Going entirely literal, Dream Evil decided to just show the god damned gold medal in metal already. Except that one can’t escape the feeling that the musical Olympics at which this particular honor was won are a decidedly low-rent affair. For starters, the medal itself isn’t even a medal, but more like a cheap brooch, or a ring they got out of some crappy kid’s toy machine at the grocery store. This “medal” is affixed not to some fancy ribbon, or even a jewelry-grade chain, but the sort of chain you’d use to padlock a gate shut. Only gold. Or photoshopped to look gold, at least. The links are nearly as large as the medal, and you can see the fucking welds! What kind of award is this? The skull itself is squished horizontally to fit inside the flowery border, his jaws agape as if screaming, “WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT?”

The music:
Dream Evil are the cheesiest of cheese, or at least the cheesiest cheese that I enjoy. Their wink-wink posturing makes it a tiny bit easier to endure their not-good-enough-for-Judas-Priest lyrics, but only barely. Really, they only get a pass for their many sins against good taste because they write unaccountably catchy tunes, and their singer is really, really good. That said, the only truly great album is the debut Dragonslayer, and some five albums in, their schtick has worn quite thin, especially as each turns the “Heavy Metal Cliches” dial up at least a notch. Gold Medal in Metal is a double disc set (some versions also include a DVD, I believe) compiling a live show and a bunch of studio rarities. As with all the Dream Evil releases, the sound and performances are top notch, owing, one assumes, to the engineering/producing magic of guitarist Fredrick Nordstrom, but really, there isn’t a compelling reason to own a Dream Evil live album. The rarities disc is better value proposition, but it’s not like their catalog is so thick with genius that there were truly excellent songs left off the albums. If you own Dragonslayer, and you want more Dream Evil, then this studio disc is pretty much as good as any others, offering the same guilty pleasures as their proper albums. If you don’t own Dragonslayer yet, or you don’t think “HammerFall from Alternate Universe where HammerFall is good” is likely to do much for you, then you can safely leave this medal unclaimed.
— Friar Johnsen

SKULL237

Posted on August 25, 2013 by Friar Johnsen

CONFESSOR, Confessor (1992 Earache)

The skull:
Impeccably simple: a boxed-out side view of a skull, stippled white on black, topped with the band’s beautiful looping logo in a two tone fade. It’s nearly perfect, this cover, and while The Council always and forever prefers a face-forward rendering of a skull, the artistry of this Confessor EP is so great that even our hooded masters welcome it unreservedly into the Skullection, without the usual grudging complaints that a skull from the side is better than no skull at all (or, even worse, two skulls).

The music:
No other band ever sounded like Confessor, and their self-applied label of “technical doom metal” is perfectly apt. Spastic drumming over odd-time perversions of Sabbath riffs are the basis for the Confessor sound, added to which Scott Jeffries piercingly high vocals create a sound unlike any other. Confessor are the sort of band where if you like all their influences, there is still no guarantee you’ll appreciate the final product. Take Trouble, for instance, who were so influential on this North Carolingian band that this three song EP contains TWO Trouble covers. While the guitars are played fairly straight on both, Jeffries replaces Eric Wagner’s smoky rasp with his shrieking, warbling highs (on the non-instrumental “The Last Judgement”), while Steve Shelton adds a burbling undercurrent of off-kilter triplets to the drum beats. The results, while still fairly faithful to the originals, are still undeniably Confessor, such that if you ONLY knew that band, you’d probably never guess these were not original songs. The third track on the EP is the pinnacle achievement of the band’s full length debut, the brilliantly twisted “Condemned”. In their original formation, the band released that album and this EP and then broke up, making this an essential piece, but the band regrouped in the mid 00s and released another EP and album, although neither attain the same heights as their original 90s releases. They’re still kicking around as a live unit, and it’s hoped by many that they’ll make it back to the studio to keep their unique brand of doom alive.
— Friar Johnsen